Supportive Services Team’s “Dementia Support Corner”
Adapting to change is part of the dementia journey. As the disease progresses, it’s important to acknowledge that both the caregiver and person living with memory loss experience change. For the person living with memory loss, these changes can feel scary and uncertain. For the caregiver they can feel frustrating and overwhelming. In this blog, Alzheimer’s San Diego’s Dementia Care Coach Crystal Viloria, BPH talks through tips and tricks to navigate the constant change you will face throughout the dementia caregiving journey.
Tools to Cope With Constant Change
Many caregivers in our programs experience the frustration and hardship of managing constant change. So if you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. Below are some suggestions from Dementia Care Coach Crystal to help you adjust to changes as they come up in your caregiving journey:
- Accept the change as it comes: It may feel like you just adjusted to change and now another one has come up. Instead of trying to overcome those changes one at a time, think of your acceptance as an ongoing process rather than a task you complete after each change.
- Don’t suppress your emotions: Acknowledge any and all emotions (positive and negative) that you are feeling. Similar to shaking a bottle of soda before you open it, your suppressed emotions will build up and bubble over in unproductive ways. Acknowledging your emotions helps to slowly let the pressure out of the soda bottle so it doesn’t explode.
- Honor your contradictory emotions: Give yourself permission to feel all of your contradictory feelings as you adjust to the constant change. It is ok to feel frustrated and mad but still want to care for the person living with dementia. You can think “I didn’t ask to be a caregiver, this is not how I thought my life would turn out,” and also think “but I am not going anywhere and I am committed to doing this.”
- Don’t play the blame game: It is important to remember that this isn’t your fault or the fault of the person you are caring for. “You didn’t do anything wrong to deserve this,” says Crystal, “and sometimes that is very important to remind yourself.”
- Go with the flow: It can be helpful to let go of your expectations on how things should happen and instead meet the person living with dementia where they are at in their abilities. One tip is to give yourself big windows of time to do tasks so it is easier for you to go with the flow and adjust to the person living with dementia’s current capabilities. Consider things that you can take off your plate to accommodate the extra time allowance needed to go with the flow. It’s important to evaluate your routine/schedule as the person progresses to make sure the situation is manageable and sustainable.
- Focus on the present: Our brains love to focus on what we don’t have anymore, but constantly comparing to the past is unhelpful. Focus on the person now and what they are still capable of doing instead of what they cannot do anymore. Because of the nature of dementia and the uncertainty of the disease, you often can’t plan and prepare every little detail, and that is absolutely ok.
- Celebrate the small wins: Take a moment throughout the day to celebrate the small successes. For example, you can still give them a hug, you can still squeeze their hand, you can still tell them a story. Did the person you are caring for take their meds today and eat all 3 meals? Celebrate that! Did your outing go smoothly? That’s a success! No matter how small, it is so important to bring attention to the small every-day wins during your dementia journey. For more information on this, check out our blog on finding gratitude through the good and bad of dementia.
- Look for new opportunities to connect: Be curious about what the person living with dementia can still do and look for opportunities to support them as changes come up instead of focusing on what they can no longer do. As our Dementia Care Coaches like to say, “focus on connecting instead of correcting.”
- Remember your needs are important too: Your needs will fluctuate so it is important to check in with your own needs and prioritize them. Ask yourself “what do I need at this moment?” Do you need rest, companionship, emotional support, movement, or down time away from the person you are caring for? For more information, check out this blog on the importance of self care for caregivers.
Reach Out to Us for Help: You Don’t Need to Shoulder this Burden Alone
Alzheimer’s San Diego’s team of compassionate Dementia Care Coaches can help you navigate the constant change, validate your feelings, and provide guidance. Give our Dementia Care Coaches a call today at 858.492.4400 and get personalized dementia support for your unique situation. Also check out our free education classes, social activities, caregiver support groups, & more. Services are also available in Spanish.
Our “Dementia Support Corner” series is an opportunity for our Supportive Services team to provide insight that can help people impacted by dementia.
By Heidi Emmenegger
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