How one respite volunteer has made all the difference
As they talk about how they became friends, Anita Hedman and Celeste Abdelnaby hold hands tightly, with a box of tissues nearby. Theirs is a new friendship, but it’s a powerful one.
They met during the hardest time in each of their lives – both their mothers have Alzheimer’s disease. Celeste’s mother lives on the East Coast and was in the final stages of the disease when this interview was conducted. Celeste says that after her last visit, she doesn’t expect to see her mother alive again. Anita’s mother, June, lives with her in San Diego. Anita is now her full-time caregiver, a role that has become even more challenging as June’s terror of being alone has grown.
“At this stage of the disease, she’s become so fearful…I can’t go to the bathroom without having her come look for me,” Anita explains. “She goes from room to room asking, ‘Is anyone home?’”
That’s where Celeste comes in.
Celeste is an ALZ Companion. In this special Alzheimer’s San Diego respite program, volunteers spend four hours each week with a person living with dementia, so family caregivers can take a much-needed break. After an 8-10 hour training and screening process, Celeste was matched with Anita’s mother, June.
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As an educator and long-distance caregiver, she thought she knew exactly what she was getting into.
“I’m a teacher, and I initially started bringing in activities and would come almost with a lesson plan prepared…but her mom isn’t into that,” Celeste says with a laugh. “June runs the show, which is how it should be. I follow her lead.”
Celeste says she’s learned to truly live in the moment with June. Sometimes that might mean sitting quietly in June’s magnificent garden. Other times it might be playing a few rounds of Rummy – that June still manages to win every time.
“My mother lives across the country, so I’m not able to help her the way Anita does. I became a volunteer because I wanted the opportunity to pay it forward for the people doing the same for my mom,” Celeste explains. “That’s how it started, but it’s turned into much more.”
She says her motivation expanded from wanting to help June, to also looking forward to seeing Anita each week.
“I don’t want to let Anita down,” Celeste says. “So even if I’m tired after working a full week, or after coming home from seeing my mom, which is still quite raw for me…I know Anita needs that time, and she deserves that time to have some peace of her own.”
Anita says Celeste is the perfect ALZ Companion for her mother, and she couldn’t imagine a better match.
She uses the time Celeste provides in a few different ways, typically either going on a date with her husband or walking along the beach. She especially enjoys the peace that comes from spending time by the ocean.
“Taking care of my mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through my entire life. Some days are so long, so challenging, it’s a gift to have someone come into our home and volunteer,” Anita says. “Time is so precious. Celeste is such a blessing.”
As they both take a moment to dry their eyes, it’s clear they share a profound bond as daughters, as caregivers – and as friends. Anita thanks Celeste one more time, but she brushes off the accolades.
“I’m getting more out of it than I’m putting in,” Celeste says. “Even when it’s tough to go, I’m always glad that I did.”
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